‘Tis the season to be merry, indeed. The holidays are here and, if you’re single, you’re probably feeling a little low, or wondering whether or not you’ll get laid before the year ends.
It’s a legit thought, my friend, you’re not alone. Plagued with holiday cards from happy couples and families, this time of the year can be rough. But there are ways to spice up the last week of the shitty year that 2016 has been. And lucky for you, it’s a phenomena that’s been catching up in India, among men and women alike (thank you, Tinder).
Yep, I’m talking about casual sex or a one-night stand. So you’re out with your buds at a bar and you’ve spotted the perfectly voluptuous woman…or you’ve swiped right on one who’s clearly sexually liberated and you’re getting the feels just chatting with her. Well, it might just be your lucky night. But before you get too excited (pun intended!) and jump into the sack with her, there are a few rules, casual sex etiquette, if you please, to follow to ensure you’re not a disrespectful dick.
Of course, every situation is unique, but keep these 5 basic ones in mind, and you (and her) should have an enjoyable night.
Be clear from the get-go
No, you’re not looking for a relationship, and she likely isn’t either. Throw away all those preconceived notions you have about women only wanting you for marriage and babies, and gauge the situation as it is. She probably just wants to get laid too. Without actually spelling it out (like, don’t say, “This is just for tonight”), make it clear that you’re not in this for the long haul…unless of course, she beats you to it.
Just because it’s only about the sex, don’t be an asshole. Buy her a drink first, have a real conversation, compliment her, and then ask her to come back home with you. And be smooth. Don’t just blurt out, “Do you wanna go back to my place?” Maybe mention an expensive bottle of wine you have at home, or your adorable wingman of a dog – it’ll do the trick.
Wrap it up
This really shouldn’t even be on the list, given how obvious it is, but you’d be surprised at how many men “forget” to or just “don’t want” to wear a condom. If you’re one of those, then you’re an idiot. Apart from the obvious pregnancy scare, you don’t know where she has been and she doesn’t know where you have, so for Christ’s sake, in order to avoid a disease you’ve probably never heard of, just put the damn rubber on.
As a rule of thumb, always keep one handy in your wallet and your nightstand. If you’ve forgotten to carry one, discreetly stop on the way and pick ‘em up. Halting foreplay to slip on a condom may not be the sexiest thing ever, but trust me, you’ll be far sexier to her for doing it.
Be a gentleman
This one holds true for the entire night. Don’t grope her in the cab – hold her hand and maybe kiss her, if she’s open to it. Don’t start tugging at her clothes as soon as you step into the house (yours or hers), this isn’t a Hollywood film. Play some music, offer to make her a drink (or take the one she offers), and then make your move. Sure, you both know why you’re there, but be cool, man! In bed, take your time to please her – a woman’s orgasm always takes longer, so chill. Find the fine balance between vanilla and experimental sex. One-night stands are great to fulfill sexual fantasies but don’t go all BDSM on her…unless that’s what she asks for. Basically, pull out all the stops of your impressive upbringing on this one night.
Post coital (etiquette)
This is where it gets tricky. You’ve had the sex and either you’re both satisfied, or just one of you are, or neither of you are. Irrespective of the quality of the sexual experience, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, attempt to kick her out immediately, if you’re at your place, or do not attempt to run off or sneak away, if you’re at hers. A little bit of snuggle is acceptable, but don’t get clingy.
If you’re at your place, offer to let her stay over, unless you really want her out. If you do, then don’t rush her. Offer to call her an Uber or even drop her home. If you’re at hers, and you want to crash, ask for permission. If you see even the slightest hesitation, leave. But give her a kiss and then go. And only take her number if you intend to call and text her. It’s far more impolite to take her number and then ghost her, so don’t do it.